Monday, June 26, 2006

Story: Please listen to the homeless. (or) Bitch Ass Cracker

I always use the same ATM. It is soo close to my apartment, and its all nice and pretty looking. BUT... It's right by a popular homeless person hangout. Here is what transpired the other day, that made me laugh and also feel really bad. But mostly laugh.

(The Giuce walks up to the ATM)
Homeless Woman: "Hey there man, you got any change?"
(The Giuce turns around to look)
The Giuce: "Afraid not. I don't ever carry change."
HW: "Well, you got any bills?"
TG: "Nah, otherwise I wouldn't be here at an ATM."
(The Giuce turns to the ATM.)
HW: "Does that thing give out bills?"
TG: "Yeah, but only 20's."
(The Giuce is now annoyed and zones out homeless woman.)
HW: "Blah blah blah blah." (My punctuation here might be incorrect.)
TG: "Yeah whatever."
(The Giuce now takes his cash, and prepares to walk away. At this time he notices the homeless woman is in front of him. He walks past her.)
HW: "Aw man! Where the hell is my twenty?"
TG: "What? What are you talking about?"
HW: "I asked you if I could have one of your twenties, and you said Yeah whatever.
TG: "Shit. That doesn't count! I win on a technicality here. I didn't actually HEAR your question."
HW: "Bitch ass cracker."

Moral is, listen to the homeless. You might accidentally offer up your first-born child.

Story: Chinese Fire Fighter

So this Sunday I was taking a stroll over to good ol' Union Square, and happened to run across one of the most ridiculous things I have seen in SF. Right at the corner of 4th and Market is the Palomar Hotel. It is really nice. Below the hotel is Old Navy. It is not nice. What I saw out front of Old Navy was dawn right obscene. Standing at the corner by the bus stop was a middle aged Asian woman, with her ~3 year old son. The lady was in the process of aiming for her son, who was relieving himself in the street. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? I can understand if your kid has to go, or if the kid just so happened to get the idea to go on his own. But for his mother to help him out? What the hell do were they doing? I guess it could be possible that the kid saw a cigarette in the gutter, and said cigarette was right by a pile of newspaper, and next to the newspaper was a little kitty. If that were the case, the kid would be a hero fire fighter. Something tells me this story is not about heroics though. SF is dirty. Straight up. Oh yeah, this pic looks just like that kid.